My signature’s been the same since 8th grade. It starts with a curvy S followed by a squiggle, ending with a lower-case L. Then a big D followed by a squiggle. It’s fast and I’ve always liked the way it looks, but the problem is with my credit cards.

We all know that no one really looks at a credit card signature. I could sign every credit card slip with “Jesus Q. Fartmaster” and no one would care. But some sort of merchant requirement has store clerks quickly glancing at the back of the card to make sure that the card is signed. It’s during this quick card flip where my signature collapses.

No one really looking at my signature could mistake it for “See ID” but with these quick glances, the clerk sees “S…l D….” and asks to see my driver’s license. This happens maybe 7 times out of 10. I say “oh, that’s just my signature” and they say “oh OK”. But those two extra sentences are enough to make me start signing my name differently, adding my middle name from here on out.